Worth the wait ... and still waiting

We are an exciting 18 weeks along in this journey already! I would like to say that I have been gracefully waiting to find out if I am carrying a boy or a girl; however, that isn’t the case. The speculation has been fun… if you call staying up into the wee hours of the night trying to find the placenta in the 10 week ultra sound fun (this is the Ramzi method; I could never confirm what the heck that placenta looked like or where it was). I admittedly attempted to try to get the blood work done to find out early, and I’m not sure if it was my ego, fate, or pure stupidity that got in the way, but never got it done. So here I am. Still waiting to know the gender.

The waiting game …

Waiting has never, ever, been my strong suit. In fact, along my journey to discovering more about disappointment (see last pregnancy blog), God taught me a lot about waiting—a lot about why I hate it and its inevitability in life. Waiting can be the hardest part of any process because there are so many unknowns associated with it, and most of what is going on during the waiting is out of your control. What do most people do while they wait? They worry (please don’t tell me it is just me). Even though it felt like the waiting had come to an end when I got pregnant, it started a whole new 40-week waiting game. With that game came the following worries:

Am I drinking enough water? Should I be exercising more? I have a fibroid, should I be worried? My thyroid levels aren’t right and I need to see an endocrinologist, should I worry now? Guys, this is my third pregnancy. I was certain I would be a lot more chill… oh well.

So what do I do with these worries while I wait?

There is a printer at work in the teacher’s lounge that has a verse taped to it: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). I would giggle to myself thinking, ‘This printer must have inflicted some intense anxiety that someone literally needed an intervention verse every time they approached it.’ Looking back, I know that verse was for me. I love talking about my worries, dissecting them, harping on them and even projecting them on others. Give them up? No thanks. Even if I wanted to, how? This is the tricky part, but the answer is right there in the verse: humble yourselves. Sounds simple, but when you desperately hold onto control out of fear, letting go isn’t easy. You want to know the hardest thing I had to admit during this learning process? The more I wanted to control things, the less I trusted God and His goodness. I wanted my plan to prevail. I wanted my way because I genuinely thought I knew best. The song “I’m Gonna Let It Go” by Jason Gray put words and a great beat to the significant struggle of letting go of the control. I have played it on repeat more times than I can count. But what truly changed my heart was the realization that our God who cares cared enough to humble himself (Philippians 2:8). You see, our salvation story is dependent on humility. I remember the day I heard this and I scribbled down on a piece of paper “disappointment creates opportunity for humility”. I want to live a life free from the fear of disappointment knowing each encounter with it allows an opportunity to trust God with what I have been given and the understanding that what God’s plan for me is sufficient in every way.

I can not wait to find out if its a boy or girl, and I am totally hoping for a girl, but everyday I humble myself to know that what I want isn’t nearly as important as what God’s plan is for this life growing inside me.

Predictions:

Baby boy is in the lead! There are a lot of different theories on all of these as well - apparently back and forth might suggest girl and I looked at multiple Chinese calendars and there was some discrepancies (can you believe it?!) and of course some people might suggest I’ve been more moody than happy. I didn’t find research that proved a gender based on which gender dog jumps on top of you during the ring swing test, but as an expert in the field of gender tests that don’t hold any significant weight, I am going to say that since our female dog jumped on me instead of our male dog, that is another vote for girl! Thanks Dallas.

Quarantine Baby Name Options:

If its a boy: Kovyd. If its a girl we are split between Quarantina and Pandemica.

This is life in my lane, I hope it helps you navigate yours!

-Christy Smith